God played an April fools joke on us today , he made it snow.
Along with the snow came a wave of cold bitterness and issues
Up to this point since my trip to Poland things have been pretty well
I was full of energy and drive,
tonight went poorly and it’s my fault, I handled the whole thing in a clumsy way.
Should have been honest from the start, I know why I wasn’t but still I should have been.
I think things will be ok maybe,
I’m going to start blogging again, as a creative outlet.
Likely a mix of depressing and happy now.
I got my student loan and will be staying in Estonia this summer more than likely
I host trivia once a week now which is fun
I need to push myself to do well at school, I can do better.
I can be a better friend and person.
From an ideas stand point I have some, which is nice.
I want warm weather, and things to be less messy.
I will find humor and a lesson in this likely looking back in a couple years.
Right now I’m just sort of confused .
Lif.
FuuuuuucK
I don’t want to go back ( I mean that in more way than one)
Though things were easier that’s for sure.
What’s the point, it’s so one sided.
I’m not a bad person I swear, or at least I try not to be
Is it so wrong to want to protect yourself?
I’m a wreck and I have let this go to far
I hate this feeling,come on…snap out of it .
A classic blog
I’m pretty drunk while writing this so mind the errors
I feel a number of things right now
Happiness
Despair
Jealousy
Hope
Understanding
and Life
The sun will rise soon , what am I doing ?
Say goodbye to a friend
Feel bad about failed relationship
Happy for friendships
“I didn’t know what I wanted,
now I know what I want.
I want it all.”
Summer will come soon, but in the mean time more winter and dark
This went well
I’m still pretty lucky
When will it stop?
Things never change only rearrange
Please let things improve
22.01.12
Peter C.
To anyone who reads this I know I tend to moan ,sound bitter, self loathing and over all negative on this blog. Though to clear things up that’s really just a small part of me.
Honestly I’m incredibly thankful and in awe of the life I have led thus far.
And I can easily say I’m a lucky person.
My parents are the most selfless people I can think of. Time and time again putting my sisters and myself before them , with an amazing amount of understanding and support .
I’ve been places and done things that as I child I never thought possible.
Spending 9 months traveling across Canada doing volunteer work
2 and a half years living in China
Now living in Estonia studying the one thing I have always had passion for.
The people I have met are simply the kindest and most caring people and I could spend a lifetime just trying to repay them the joy and comfort they have brought to my life.
Lately I have been down due to the fact that my relationship with Birgit ended. It was hard and will likely be for a long while . Though as I reflect on it , its clearly what’s best . She needs to heal herself before she can really have a relationship and if anyone can understand that it’s me. I will just support her as a friend and whatever happens in the end between us will be for the better. For then she will be happy and comfortable with herself and really start enjoying life again.
Now this blog won’t likely be all happiness and such from now on or anything like that . I will still be down and self loathing at times. Though really life is like that , happiness comes and goes and so does despair. You need both to keep things equaled out .
“I used to believe in nothing..but I don’t anymore “- E. Engstrom
A head that aches doesn’t have to stay that way,
just let what’s dead go.
I know there’s pain in leaving things all too well.
In time, you’ll find needing things only kills you slowly.
If you’re not sure who you are, you’re not alone.
If you’re not sure what you want, you’re not alone.
If you’re not sure of life of love, you’re not alone.
Tell your friends, hey come on over and we’ll talk.
You bring the drinks, I’ll bring the bad news.
Everyone feels like you.
Tell your dad to come on over and we’ll talk,
you bring your drinks, I’ll bring the fuck you’s.
Long awaited - long overdue.
Tell your ex-girlfriend you need her to be there at bedtime.
Cus’ you can’t sleep with your mind on all these things.
Bring out what’s dead and dying, rotting body, while you still can
Fuck I should delete this and just handle it like a normal person.
Wrote a very long bitter,dreadfilled post last night .
And left that note at the bottom of it .
Upon waking up and reviewing the text.
I thought I should listen to my own advice for once and do it.
The orginal text is saved but will not be shown.
It was to much in the same vain as blog 5
2011 is done
Here’s 2012
